I HAVE FAILED
I have to admit that I am crazily inspired and amazed by strong women all over the world. Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Lady Gaga, Alicia Keys, and everyone who’s put their complete energy to inspire the world. Empowering women will always be my mission.
After months, I have kept this to myself. To be frank, 2019 was truly a challenging year for me. I had failed to get the job I wanted and ended up receiving a scam call by a sexual predator who pretended to be my manager. Not long after it happened, I decided to set a new goal: joining Miss Indonesia 2020. Initially, everything went smoothly. I received a golden ticket to continue to the final audition, submitted a talent video, and even one step closer to becoming the finalist. However, I eventually failed to get into the competition I had prepared for months. I thought it was the end of my life. I was disappointed with myself. The moment it happened, I was extremely frustrated and told my mom “I want to faint and wake up only when I becoming Miss Indonesia. This is the end of my life, mom.”
and I knew I had failed.
After 20 years of my journey, I have never felt like a failure. I often wondered why God has been too good to me. He has given me so many blessings to an extend where I knew that I could achieve whatever I want, it’s all a matter of hard work. And yet I was completely wrong.
Every morning, I have a routine of going down from my apartment to get exposed to the sun for 10-15 minutes. Today, I repeated the same routine while listening to one of the most-repeated-podcast called The Great Women of Business, when I suddenly heard this powerful quote from Oprah Winfrey saying,
“What you learn, teach.
What you get, give.”
It took me around four months to completely heal and forgive myself. It might sound odd, but forgiving my own self has never been easy. I had to gradually forgive myself for not getting the job I wanted. I had to forgive myself for being a victim. I had to forgive myself for all my failures. During my recovery, I often isolated myself to reflect, reflect, and continuously reflect. Sometimes we have to take a step back to jump further.
From the beginning of 2020, I allowed myself to pray, learn, and slowly rebuild new goals. I might have spent 2-3 hours a day reading biographies of the most successful people, and one thing that I noticed was the word ‘failure’ or ‘downfall’ has always played a part of their stories. Besides books and videos, I had always put my earphones on to listen to podcasts that can constantly motivate myself to get back up stronger.
In March 2020, I finally found new strength. Because of my past failures, I have developed:
I started to know myself, my values, and principles, which made me to live in a whole different perspective. There was a turning point when I no longer value things that are seen, but rather focus on constantly building my knowledge, skill, and strengths. That's what I've been improving now.
Meaning of life
I am now able to think rationally. I won’t make decisions that will not benefit me and others. Although it can be as small as sharing my daily activities on Instagram, I always ensure that it has to be aligned with my mission, which brings to my next point.
I always feel like I am different from people in my age. My brain can sometimes be a boomerang to myself, it's killing me a lot of times. Overthinking, they say. But because of failure, I learned to stand on my advocacy, which is to become a role model to people surround me. Regardless of their age. Therefore, with a clear mission, I am now able to continuously remind myself that every action that I do will only inspire, motivate, and empower people around me.
I have always this mindset inside of me saying: To live is to simply please God and inspire others. And one day, when God allows me to become a successful entrepreneur, I will only use my stories, effort, and time to inspire people around the world. Mark my words.
As a 21 years old adolescent, I am grateful that I have failed earlier. Well, I am not saying that I will never fail again, but I’m no longer afraid to fail because failures happen to shape me to become the best version of myself. The greatest version of Evelyne Gabriella.
As I started to spend time reading more reflective books, I learned a lot from a book, called The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari
by Robin Sharma,
“There are no mistakes in life, only lessons. There is no such thing as a negative experience, only the opportunity to grow, learn and advance along the road of self-mastery. From struggle comes strength. Even pain can be a wonderful teacher.”
Writing this part of my stories ain’t easy. It forces vulnerability, transparency, and courage to speak up. The purpose of sharing my personal stories is to simply remind you that no matter how many times you fall, get back up and continue living with a purpose. God has never created His creations to fail, only humans who limit his own mind.
2019 was only a chapter. I am excited to write new chapters of my life.